A Letter from A Father to A Newly Married Son

Dear Son, 

Welcome to the ‘married club’. You are lucky to get a partner like Aarti. Your mother and I are happy to welcome her to our family. Son, marriage is the most amazing journey that you will take on the path called, ‘life’. Yes, marriage is a life-altering event, and post-marriage life can be stressful for couples. Today, I will share with you my experiences that will make this journey more meaningful. Here are the seven pillars of a happy and long-lasting marriage.

Pillar #1: Trust

In this journey called marriage, Aarti will play a number of different roles. Trust her to be that closest companion you can open to about anything. Trust her to be that emotionally supportive system you turn to when life gets troublesome.

Pillar #2: Share Responsibilities

In marriage, sharing responsibility means being on the same team. Lasting relationships are the ones where you both can create shared meaning; where goals are set and met alongside each other (Source: PsychCentral). Furthermore, a healthy relationship involves building a life together where dreams are not only envisaged but come to fruition. Be sure that during your dreaming and planning hours, you are open to what Aarti has to say. Keep yourself and Aarti accountable and support one another. Always remember, you both are on the same team – cheer each other on so you can win that gold!

Pillar #3: Respect

Your wife is more than just your better-half; she is a woman first, a daughter, a sister, and she will someday become a mother. Respect that she has her very own existence and that it doesn’t essentially revolve around you. Respect her decisions, her time, her outlook, her convictions, or more all, respect her for picking you as her life partner.

Though you are a crucial part of her life, yet at the same time, a part. Attempt to give her space when she needs it and make things simpler for her. I know you don’t have that narrow mentality, however, we men may accidentally say something that makes our spouses feel like they are underestimated.

Precisely, if you are treating your wife respectfully, you are doing things such as: considering her opinion, consulting with her before making decisions that affect your marriage and taking an active interest in her life (work, daily activities and interests). Although this list is exhaustive, it captures the essence of a respectful marriage.

Pillar #4: Loyalty

Loyalty in marriage by its very definition is a marriage where you both are bound to each other by an invisible and almost tangible cord. So, make this relationship last for long by pledging or promising each other to be always loyal.

Aarti puts her trust in you, never disgrace that. Yes, it’s true that cultivating the character strengths of fairness and loyalty is a life-long process, but it will get simpler over time as these traits become second nature to you.

Pillar #5: Love

Child, love is that thing which will keep your marriage going. You cannot define love in few words, I don’t figure anybody can, yet it will help you two remain together on the grounds of a pure bond. This is what love is according to me:

  • Love may not ensure that you are right always, but it will give you the perspective to understand that being right isn’t important
  • Love may not solve your arguments, but it will give you the patience to work through it
  • Love won’t stop you from saying hurtful things, but it will demand a heartfelt apology

So, love your wife, most importantly cherish her for being a part of your life.

Pillar #6: Communication

Son, your marriage should thrive on the open exchange of emotion, beliefs, and desires. You need to talk things to each other, that’s the secret recipe. Showcasing your trust, showing that love, and acting honestly is where the magic is, so let your wife know the same, communicate it to her.

One discussion you should have is with respect to your finances. Money is the leading cause of disturbance in marriage (Source: HuffPost). With both of you earning, financial management is essential to benefit as much as possible -both as a family and for your individual needs. Before long, you and Aarti will purchase a house or a car together, and a major amount of both of your income will go towards EMIs.

It’s anything but difficult to shoulder these costs when she has your help. However, God forbid, should something unfortunate occur to you, the financial burden will entirely fall on her.

One approach to guarantee that Aarti never has to experience the hardship of bringing home the bread alone, is by taking term insurance. I know you have always thought about others before yourself. And when you shield your wife from unexpected circumstances with term insurance plans, it turns into the most caring act you can do as a spouse for her.

Pillar #7: Patience

Remember that she is an individual and you are an individual. So, there are bound to be differences of opinions. Know what needs to be changed and what needs to be tolerated.

Try to air grievances at the same time in a formal meeting (no TV or phones). If you discuss what’s bothering you patiently, issues won’t come up so often, and if they do, you will be able to discuss them more calmly.

I know you will give in your hundred percent since you have dependably been that sort of a man. However, when things get too much for you, come see your dad.


Your Father

P.S: You will never get in trouble if you say ‘I love you’ at least once a day.

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